I went to the doctors yesterday, it was very enlightening.

Too bad he couldn't enlighten me 8 months ago when I first went to see him.

But he's a terrific doctor so I can forgive him. Although I was reading an article in the paper that said that the surgery I go to might close in the future because they aren't getting enough money to cover the costs of running it.

I don't want to get a new doctor, I love the one I have now. Perhaps I'll start paying for my appointments in full.

But anyway, we talked a lot about my body basicailly being fucked and what my options were. Oh! And he measured me and I've grown 2cms in the past year. Whee!

To make this short and so I don't continue to be sidetracked it's off the needle for me and straight onto the pill as of today.

It's weird though, I've been on the needle for well over 2 years and I know that it's reliable, but it's ruining my body.

I can basically blame all of my weight gain on it, perhaps I can blame 5 kilos on myself for being a lazy bum, but the rest can all be blamed on that damn needle. He's seen it in a lot of girls using it, it slowly builds up weight on your body and you don't even notice it happening until it's all there. He said that my efforts for losing the weight would be pretty much useless if I stayed on the needle.

So I'm not.

I really hate myself right now. Two years ago when I was choosing between the needle or the pill I pretty much decided my own fate. I hate the fact that if I had of chosen different my life wouldn't be like it is now.

Argh. Silly me. But I'm only 18, I can make a turn around. My life hasn't ended yet.

My mother and my Nan shall be here in a month to celebrate my birthday, I have to find out when Phil's birthday is and today I need to pay the rent and buy some food.

Heh...so much to look forward to.

before / after